It's happening.

well today it happened... I cried. For the first time it really hit me, I am leaving Jackson and I am never coming back. Yesterday I took everything off of my walls in my bedroom. For some reason it seemed like a logical place to start. Considering I have never moved out of anywhere in my life I am kind of new at this whole thing. My family has lived in the same house my whole life. The tornado moved blew me out of my dorm room. And my parents so politely moved all my stuff from my home bedroom into the basement while I was away at school. So I have never had to do this.. but it is coming along. After I got it all off the walls I realized it is never going back up. This place I lived for the past 3 years will soon belong to someone else. They won't know the memories made here. That is sad. They won't know that the microwave will burn popcorn if you don't open the bag in the middle of popping (that took me about a year to figure out). And they won't know that there are little tacks that stick up in the carpet and hurt really bad if you step on them. I wish I could tell them all of this, what a horribly special place this is. I feel like today might be the first tears of many that will come when I realize all the goodbyes that are soon taking place.

So yes I am a little emotional. Partly because in a mere 11 hours my dream of marrying Prince William will be crushed by Princess Kate! Partly because "You're gonna miss this" keeps playing on the radio. And partly because I am having two more BOY cousins.... I was just sure they were girls, but I will love them anyway. (Even though I have not ruled out gender reconstructive surgery for them, I just need their mom to agree)

And Lastly, I wish Princess Diana was still alive... I am really sad about that one.

April Showers, Easter, and Time

If April showers bring May flowers then what do April tornados bring? Well for me right now they bring headaches, terrible nightmares, and stress. All things I am praying will go away soon. I can only hope something as beautiful as a flower can come from this. Jackson is saying goodbye to me with storm after storm after storm. One thing I have learned about storms is eventually they end even if it takes 3 days. No matter how bad they are at the time, the sun will come out "tomorrow" or maybe in 4 tomorrows and I will be more grateful for the sunshine because of these stormy days.

On a happier note... Easter Weekend!
Once again I had a great weekend at home for Easter break. I have been going home every weekend because of different events and even though it is a lot of gas money, it has been worth it each time. I enjoyed celebrating my dad's birthday, going to ballgames, spending time with friends, and spending time with family. The best part of the weekend was definitely rejoicing in the reminder that Christ has Risen! I hope that I never say those words in a lackluster way. It is true, and I was constantly reminded of it over the weekend. I love my weekends at home :) good thing I get to go back in just 3 days!

There seems to not be enough hours in the day to finish everything I need to get done. I have many papers and tests coming up within the next few weeks. On top of the school work I am trying to find time to enjoy the last few moments with my friends here, startin the packing process, and finding time to eat/shower/sleep. I know that it will all get done.

Ugh!

Just sitting on the bathroom floor waiting out another tornado warning. I hate this. I wish I could say something I like about this but I am not finding anything. There goes my positive attitude, maybe tomorrow. These stupid sirens need to be quiet because they make me want to throw up or hit something or cuss or cry... all things I don't feel like doing right now.

I am annoyed. All I want is a Moe's burrito. I am moving somewhere there are no tornados ever.

Even though I am not into the whole post multiple times a day thing, I feel like I am not in the right state of mind to say what a wonderful Easter weekend I had. So later (hopefully today) I shall tell all about my happy, fun, lovely weekend at home... but for now I will sit here and sulk because I have too much homework and I need to clean and I am home alone and I am stuck in this bathroom and I hate tornados.

Weather radio... Check
Laptop... Check
Shoes... check
Wallet/Id... check
Phone & charger... check
Homework to kill time... check
Padded seat... check
My Graduation Cap for a reminder that this is almost over... check

I am getting way too good at this.

26 days... 26 days... 26 days...

The day my life was ruined...

On this day 21 years ago my life was ruined. Okay okay not really, but on that day I did get my very first little brother. I don't remember that day or the year before it, but I know that because of that day my life will never be the same. Today is my brother's birthday.

Mac changed my life. He is literally one of my favorite people in the world. And while I feel a bond with each of my brothers and each one is differently wonderful. I feel a bond with him that I don't feel with anyone else. He is my brother. We fight, we annoy each other, we are completely different but at the end of the day he will always be my brother. We are the Originals ;)

It is a funny thing having a sibling so close in age. He kicked this only child princess off her throne or at least he tried. Almost every memory I have of my childhood involves him. True my parents are also a part of those memories but they were seeing everything from a different perspective than us. My parents remember how things really were and we remember how we perceived them. From the chore chart, to getting Perdita, to MaMa's saggy arms, and our days at home with Dad... No one else will ever remember it like we do. 

He might be pretty okay... but Mac knows how to drive me crazier than anyone else... just like a brother should, I guess. He has mastered pushing my buttons and pissing me off. He has always had a thing for annoying me by stealing my friends. When we were little Courtney use to come over and Mac would get her to come in his room to play Nintendo 64 and leave me in my room all by myself. It use to make me so mad!! Little did I know that this was going to be a lifelong problem. He has moved from stealing my friend to stealing my boyfriend. 

And onto the boyfriend. Mac and Anthony have become best friends. While this annoys me to death it also makes me just a little happy but we don't have to tell him that. It brings me joy to see these two very important men boys in my life be so close. I love that they love each other. Family is so important to me and I am so very happy that these boys hope to be family and get along so well. And I love that he has picked such a wonderful girlfriend. I not only love Mac but I have grown to love Taylor and I am happy he found her. And I can't wait to see where we all end up, I hope it is anywhere together (like the Fracharm or as I call it the Franch)

There are too many stories I could tell. Like the time he drew a man's private parts on a note card and stuck it in front of this red stopping light thing in the back of my first car... SO little did I know, every time I was stopping the people behind me were getting flashed by a bright red R-rated light!! or the time I ran over a car in his truck haha. Or when we were lost forever on the way to the rental house from Disney World. Having granny kick me off the couch so mac could stretch out and watch whatever he wanted on the tv. Family vacations, being in the same apologetics class in high school, long car rides, secrets, gaining two brothers, little fights, big fights, too many things to mention. We could write a book.

So today is Mac's birthday and even though things have changed, we have grown and for now moved away from each other... I will always be thankful for this day because it gave me him. I am so proud of the man he is becoming and for the chance to be his big sister. So tonight I will toast to one of the best mistakes my parents ever made... Mac Swann.

Happy 21st Birthday Little Brother!
I love you.
Thanks for ruining changing my life.

life + books - tv= ?

So much to say so little to write... Get ready for a hodge podge of thoughts in this thing.

I am reading a bunch of books right now, and that seems to be consuming my time. In the past month I have read some great books! I love to read. If you have anytime I would suggest reading any one of these books. Book 1: Choosing to See, Book 2: Respectable Sin, Book 3: The One Year Bible (it really is changing the way I see/read the Bible and if you have ever wanted to read the Bible but have gotten stuck in Numbers like me then you should look into investing in this Bible!) Book 4: One Thousand Gifts.
I gotta say more about One Thousand Gifts. I just started this book yesterday and I can't put it down. My small group leader suggested it to me after I was telling her about how I try to do a thankful for blog every week. It is all about this lady who was challenged to write down 1000 gifts that she is thankful for. It is awesome seeing her life transform as she goes through this experiment. And the thing is as I have read it I too have found myself looking at the world differently. I can't wait to keep reading. I have so many excerpts I want to quote but I cant pick just one. So I won't pick any :) Just go read it yourself. The funny thing is that I feel like each of these books are trying to tell me the same thing... to live fully right where I am, choose to see the good in all situations, be thankful for the things I often overlook. I am working on it.



Oh and I am trying to learn to sleep without the TV on. I always sleep with the tv on. not that there is anything wrong with that but the reason I do is because I am scared. Yes, it is true... I am a scaredy cat. I don't like the dark, I don't like the silence, and I don't like being alone. So I use the tv as a crutch. I am trying to eliminate this crutch for multiple reasons that I don't want to go in to. There is nothing to be scared of... This is a big deal for me. So last night as I was going to bed and I was reading my daily thing and in my verses was Psalm 4:8 which says "In peace I will lie down and sleep for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe"... How crazy is that!!! yea, crazy. I don't need that silly tv. We will see how this goes!

A weekend of Celebrations!

What a wonderful weekend! I turned in my senior paper on Friday, and let me tell you that was a load off for real. This weekend was full of celebrations. 

Celebration #1...On Friday morning Bonnie's grandmother went to be the Lord. She is no longer suffering and is now in heaven with her husband, son, and grandson. Wow. Bonnie is doing really well. About an hour after her death, Bonnie and I were talking and she said "it's the coolest and sweetest thought ever knowing she's running and playing in Heaven with daddy, Peter, my grandaddy, and my Jesus! I mean you just can't be sad thinking about that." Isn't that the truth. I celebrate the reunion she is now having with her family and I hurt for those here longing for that reunion. Please keep Bonnie and her family in your prayers. 

Celebration #2... Mac's birthday. This weekend was the first time I had seen Mac since Christmas. I was glad I could be home at the same time as him. We had a huge family dinner on Saturday night. It was wonderfully chaotic. Did you know that having a massive, funny, crazy family is one of the greatest blessings in life? I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Celebration #3... Max. Yes, Max and Mac are very similar. I was able to be there on Sunday to see Max get dedicated at church. I was so glad to be there for it and for everyone to get to meet the sweet baby they had been praying for. He did not disappoint. Precious miracle baby, Love him. And then I got to walk in the march of dimes. It was perfect weather and perfect company. I did not really know what to expect of this event but it was really fun! Next year I plan on going all out :)

It was a great weekend. I am so glad that I got to go home and that Emily got to come with me. We had fun laughing and talking and not worrying about homework. I have to admit this weekend made me a little sad because even though Emily always leaves the cabinet doors open, and can't concentrate on a conversation longer than 5 min, and talks during my tv shows... I will miss her. She is a great roommate. I am a lucky girl. 

An afternoon treat!

Favorite things of the day... A surprise happy birthday treat for Anderson! An afternoon full of sunshine, giggles, cheers, frozen yogurt, sticky fingers, chocolate smiles, and full tummies! It was a good time and I was happy to sugar them up and then take them home to their babysitter! haha

Birthday Boy! 

A little hyper!

All done!

Two thumbs up for Sweet Cece's

Speed Bumps

I absolutely hate speed bumps. This hate started a long time ago at Davidson Academy. Love that school but the amount of speed bumps there is just a bit ridiculous. I thought that I was moving away from the speed bumps after high school but I was Wrong! Union University has more speed bumps than it could possibly need. On the average day I have to slow down more than 42 no I am not exaggerating times just for speed bumps! I can't stand it.

The funny thing about speed bumps is the fact that I let them make me so mad. I mean I can get livid over speed bumps and today I was really thinking about that. Why do I hate them so much? Mainly because they are getting in my way of where I want to be. I understand their purpose but sometimes I lose sight of that and think that Union has really just put them there to annoy me. or so that they have something to do with all the money they charge to go here

There is a bigger lesson in these speed bumps. This is my life. I am always in such a hurry to get to where I am going that I don't take the time to slow down! I think God loves speed bumps. He likes to say "Morgan, slow down. Notice me. Stop being in such a hurry to get where you are going." I want to graduate, we all know that, but somedays I get really sad because I know it will never be the same. In my mind, Jackson is a speed bump right now... It is in the way of where I want to be. I am conflicted. Somedays are just so "awful" and then there are moments I know I will miss it. There are a lot of speed bumps in my life right now. Sometimes I find myself thinking really God, you are just putting this here to annoy me aren't you?! But in the end all these things have a purpose. They are teaching me to slow down, to notice Him, to notice the things in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise. And maybe they are just there so I will better enjoy the parts with no speed bumps?

So I am going to try to be more understanding, but lets be honest... speed bumps are a pain!

The Journey

It was a great weekend at home, but now it is back to the real world. Jackson was so nice to greet me this morning with a storm. All in all I don't really want to be here right now but you gotta do what you gotta do.

That being  said today I want to share an incredible blog with whoever it is that reads this thing. My roommate told me about this blog a long while ago. She told me I just had to read it and that it was amazing and that it would change my life. Yea yea sure... I didn't read it. Emily was acting crazy walking around talking about this girl and her family. I thought she might be losing it. So basically I ignored her and moved on with my life. I had heard a million great stories of great people and I just didn't have time to read about this girl. I am not going to move to Uganda or adopt so why do I need to read it right?

About a month later someone posted a link to this girl's blog on facebook again! I was bored and so i decided to check it out. Nine hours later yes, I stayed up ALL NIGHT I finished reading all of her posts. I probably could have read through it faster but I had spent that nine hours crying and praying and reading scripture and being completely blown away. Emily woke up the next day and I was walking around like a crazy person. I couldn't stop talking about this blog.

I tried to find a place for you to start, but I couldn't pick just one. But I can give you a little review.. Katie is from Brentwood, TN. She now lives in Uganda. She is somewhere around 21 or 22 years old. She left everything that she loved to serve. She now has 14 (?) adopted daughters. She has an incredible story. So let me tell you that you should go read this blog but you should prepare yourself. Prepare to feel uncomfortable with the situation in Uganda. Prepare to be challenged to make a difference. Prepare to want to go scoop up one of these precious children and bring it home with you. And prepare to be moved by the stories you will read.

I understand that everyone doesn't have nine hours to read this thing, but we all have more time than we think. I would challenge you to at least look through the pictures because I know when you see their faces you will want to know more about them.

Needed

Today has been a funny day...
I just spent 20 minutes trying to open a bottle of Mt. Dew. This is the most annoying thing about living without any men. I mean I guess I am just a wimp but I cannot open anything for myself. However, I have never had problems with Mt. Dew bottles... until lately. Ya know those little bitty bottles that never really satisfy your thirst but make you feel better about drinking half your days calories from a little green bottle? Well I first noticed the problem with these bottles, but today it happened with a 20 oz bottle! I just couldn't open this thing no matter what I tried. I am like about to cry. After trying for 20 min and even trying to poke a hole in the bottle so I could just pour it into a glass... I had to go outside and ask the first guy I saw for help. This happens to me all the time so I am over the embarrassment of it. It even took him more than one try so it made me feel a little better about the situation. I am telling you this top was like super glued on! However I was slightly embarrassed when he said "didn't you just ask me to open your pickle jar last week?" umm... yes? Anyway, I am mad at the Pepsi company right now. Also there is a bottle of juice that Emily has that she hasn't been able to open for two weeks but refuses to go out and ask for help. I just think that is silly. I told her she could probably meet a boyfriend and get her bottle open all in one!

Other reasons I need a man-slave/butler/brother to live here with me...
-take out the trash
-unload my car when I come back from home
-bring in the groceries
-protect me from murderers
-start my car in the mornings (this was more an issue when there was ice every morning)

So if anyone wants to volunteer for this job I will be taking applications.

Decorating!

Lately I have been really into decorating for the holidays. Maybe it is because I wanted something else for my procraftination yea I said it problem. All the craft blogs just do the cutest things and I felt left out. I like it because it actually gives you a reason to show off your cute crafts! And there is a new holiday almost every month so I always get to think of new ideas. My friends think it is weird. Anthony thinks it is stupid (sidenote: he said if we ever have a house we will only decorate for Christmas and the 4th of july.... why the 4th of July? I have no clue. Don't worry I think he will give in eventually!) But anyway... Look at what I made today :)

I started with $2.50 and a dream. And I ended up walking out of Hobby Lobby with all of this and 10 cents to spare!

And all of those things turned into this cute little banner!

It is even cuter in person! I am just not good at taking pictures. And you see those little chicks? They were in the dollar bin a few weeks ago! They are salt and pepper shakers. 

This cute little centerpiece is just making me very happy. 

I don't know what I will do when Easter is over? What holiday is next? 

Things I'm loving...

There are lots of things I am loving today! Yesterday was not a good day. I got stuck in Jackson because of storms. I missed the visitation. I spent a lot of time in a storm shelter trying not to yell at people joking about tornados. Yesterday a lot of things went wrong but today has been a great day! Those not so good days really make me appreciate days like today. So today I am loving...

The Sun!
I am so glad the sun decided to come out today. It wasn't exactly warm, but it was warmer than it has been. I love when the sun is out. I have had the windows open all day mainly because I cooked salmon last night and this apartment still smells like fish. It is crazy how much more motivated I am on these sun shiny days. Oh and did I mention I absolutely love how the days are getting longer! That means summer is coming!

A map of my trip!

Speaking of summer... I am loving the fact that in 104 days I will be on a plane to Europe! AHhHh! How exciting is that?! I'll be honest I have never really just dreamed of going to a foreign country for an extended period of time. The decision to take this trip was very influenced by Jackelyn because she was going but needed someone to go with her. And then backed by my Mom and her love for traveling. I was a little reluctant at first but who in their right mind turns down a once in a lifetime trip to Europe?! When we booked the trip there was still over 200 days until we departed and it didn't feel real to me. But now... we are almost in double digits! I am so so so excited. I am sure I will talk about this a lot more as I get closer to departing.


A glue gun is like the duct tape of the crafting world. I am amazed by all the ways I can use this baby. Now that my sewing machine is broken I have been using my glue gun almost every day. I am not sure whose glue gun this is actually. It is in our apartment and we all have used it at some point or another. Now that we are moving out we have realized most of the stuff we own we aren't sure who it is going to go home with. Since Emily and I are the only ones who live here I have got a 50/50 chance of taking it back to Cross Plains with me! I am hoping she won't fight too hard for it ;) but if so I will be asking for a glue gun as a graduation gift!




And lastly this song. When I am at school I really only listen to Christian radio and that is mostly because there aren't many stations to chose from but also because the music always seems to be a blessing to me. I enjoy this station and it always seems to be playing just the song I need to hear. When I first heard this song come on the radio I didn't really like it all that much. I thought it was annoyingly upbeat and I was not in the mood how ironic. Well I slowly but surely started catching on and now it is one of those songs I find myself humming throughout the day. It could be a theme song of mine considering I am really good at noticing the things that drive me nuts and not the ways I am blessed.

Oh and did I mention I am loving chocolate cake! This is really weird for me I am usually not a big chocolate eater. I have never really gotten why people go so gaga over it. But lately I have been craving chocolate cake like a mad woman! I may have had chocolate cake with every meal including breakfast for the past few days. oops... The good news is tonight will be the last of my chocolate cake and hopefully the last of my chocolate cravings!

Oh yea and I am graduating in 46 days... and I LOVE THAT!

and I love you :)

My GrandBob

I can't sleep. Part of it is because I need to, and part of it is because of the brewing storm, and part of it is something completely different. Someone is on my mind tonight and he just won't let me sleep... He always was bugging me.

Lately GrandBob has been on my mind a lot. It all started when I got my cap and gown in the mail. It is funny how little things can trigger hurts you try to hide. As I looked at my cap I saw that little yellow tassle and it all flowed back like a flood. Because it reminded me of my high school graduation. GrandBob died almost exactly a week before I graduated high school. My last tassel was buried with him. Though we did all we could to go on with the high school festivities there was a major hurt present and the major absence of someone we all wished was there. It was a mix of emotions in a time that should be joyful. And so thinking of graduation is not usually a happy thought for me.

And then there was the announcements of the twins. And though we are all excited, my heart hurts for them. I wish I could give them my memories of him. The way he talked and laughed and told stories and said "hey mo" and that funny smile he had after he got those fake teeth haha. I wish they could know him like I did. And while I know we can tell them I also know, as a person with a granddad that I never knew, that they will never really understand. They'll never realize how much he loved, and how proud of his grandchildren he was, and how much he would have done for them. Part of it is because I didn't really realize these things until it was too late. I hope he knew how much I loved him too. He should be here to see them. I want them to know. It isn't fair.

And then there is the part where I am packing up my room. I have started packing to move out of my apartment. While I was packing I came across some things that really made me miss him. These are tornado things. I know I talk about tornado things a lot. I wish I didn't but the truth is I am still healing from that day and as much as I wish I was okay there are somedays it still scares me. Well as I was packing I came across this piece of wood and my fancy Bible. Now I see these things every day and they are usually ignored, but not lately. This fancy Bible is my last gift that has both his name and my Gigi's name in it. It was my graduation gift. I am sure he had no clue he was giving me this Bible for graduation and I am perfectly okay with that but his name is in it and I love that. I took this Bible everywhere my first semester of college but for some reason when I moved back to school in February I forgot it at home! Which turned out to be a saving grace because it was safe and sound when that tornado blew through. and then... This piece of wood hangs above my bed. It has engraved in it "Moe Swann" with a bunch of characters underneath that we have no clue what they mean. I can't remember who but someone found this piece of wood in GrandBob's shop sometime after he died. He was making this for me or maybe I was just on his mind, we don't know. Either way it is from him to me and I love it. When I moved into my dorm I brought this wood with me. It hung above my bed. And then the tornado happened, and I thought I would never see it again. There were scraps of wood everywhere. There is no way someone was going to pick up this one piece of wood and realize its importance. But someone did. Somehow it came back to me even though I have no clue how. I love it. It is a silly piece of wood that got found in a garage and then found in a demolished dorm room and has some kind of meaning I will probably never figure out. But it is mine and it is from my grandfather.

And the real reason I think he is on my mind tonight is because of Jackelyn. As I mentioned, Jackelyn's grandmother just died. This has had me thinking a lot. I wish I could tell her all the good things you are supposed to say. I want to say "oh it stops hurting" and "oh youll see her again/soon" and "it will be okay". But I know that even in 4 years there will still be nights that it hurts, and that some days soon won't seem soon enough, and that even though it will be okay it will never seem fair.

There are still days I look up and think that he will be walking in at any minute. There are times that it is obvious everyone is feeling the same way. There are things I know he would love like watching Mac play college baseball, or having the Raglins living in Cross Plains and all the family dinners that occur. Seeing Wil pitch on opening day of East Robertson Dixie Youth. Teaching Andrew and Keaton to drive. Seeing Kole in that East Robertson jersey and talking about how he is the best one out there. He would have loved it.

I was so lucky to have my GrandBob. He was not blood, but he was definitely my grandfather. He pulled my hair and drove me nuts. He bought me candy cigarettes when my mom wouldn't let me have them. He remembered every great thing I ever had done. He was so proud of me. He made us all laugh by always needing to pet the cat and tell us about James. His butt crack was usually showing and most of the time I knew him he smelled like smoke. He wore his muddy boots in the house right after I mopped the floor, and he had no clue why I would be mad lol. He built crazy cool things and then also things that no one understood. He was definitely one of a kind. I miss him.

My weekend!

was really boring...
but I did make a really good cake, and I cleaned, and I did homework, and I watched movies.
and there is still homework that I need to do always.

I'm not in a great mood. I am working off little sleep. And I don't understand why I have to wait while everyone else gets what they want now. Patience. Breathe. yes I am being dramatic

My roommate is finally coming home tonight! I won't have to sleep with my bedroom door locked and all the lights on anymore. I get scared when I am here alone.

And tomorrow I am taking a trip home to be with my friend Jackelyn. Her grandmom died and tomorrow is the visitation. I love Jackelyn and I can't wait to be able to give her a big hug. If you can please pray for safe travels home and back and that I will know the words to say or not say and that she will know how very loved she is even though she is hurting and missing her grandmother.

So this weekend wasn't so great but oh well, it could have been worse.

Planning life.

I am very plan oriented. I like to have plans. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to occur. I have a color coded planner that tells me what to expect each day. Classes without a planned out syllabus tend to drive me nuts. If we are supposed to do something tomorrow then I like to know what time we are going to do it... tomorrow night just won't cut it because night to me might be different than night to you. I like to know so that I can plan my day accordingly. I need lists. I need a plan.

I haven't always been like this. It is beginning to drive me nuts.

If God would give me an itinerary I would love it! For some reason He seems to constantly be changing my plans for His own. Life is funny like that. Even though I realize not all people need plans like I do, I do believe that most people like knowing the plan. And not only do we like plans, but people like to know your plans. How many times a day do I get asked what I am doing after graduation, when am I going to get married, where do I want to work... well guess what people, I DON'T KNOW and it is killing me!!! I would love to know. I wish I could tell you or better yet I wish you could tell me.

Things I wish I knew... where I will be working after graduation, if I will get into OT school, where will I go to OT school, if not what will happen (will I go to a different type of school, will I stick with the job I have, will I like what I do), when will I get married, where will I live?????? The list goes on and on but these are my top concerns for the next five years. If I just knew these things then I could plan out the next five years accordingly.. right?

I know I know "the fun part of life is the not knowing"... well maybe for some people but for this anxiety ridden 22 year old the idea of not knowing freaks me out. I have a plan in my head for all these things obviously.. but I don't know why I am trying to figure it out. My plans are always changing. Things are always getting in the way of how I want it to be or think it is going to be. The only thing I dislike more than no plans is when people change set plans.

So in conclusion, I like plans. I don't like that I don't know what to expect in the next few years. If we have plans don't change them without a lot of notice. I am ready to know.

I will just continue to repeat this verse to myself.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


At least I know there is a plan and it is a good one even if I don't know it yet.