It's happening.

well today it happened... I cried. For the first time it really hit me, I am leaving Jackson and I am never coming back. Yesterday I took everything off of my walls in my bedroom. For some reason it seemed like a logical place to start. Considering I have never moved out of anywhere in my life I am kind of new at this whole thing. My family has lived in the same house my whole life. The tornado moved blew me out of my dorm room. And my parents so politely moved all my stuff from my home bedroom into the basement while I was away at school. So I have never had to do this.. but it is coming along. After I got it all off the walls I realized it is never going back up. This place I lived for the past 3 years will soon belong to someone else. They won't know the memories made here. That is sad. They won't know that the microwave will burn popcorn if you don't open the bag in the middle of popping (that took me about a year to figure out). And they won't know that there are little tacks that stick up in the carpet and hurt really bad if you step on them. I wish I could tell them all of this, what a horribly special place this is. I feel like today might be the first tears of many that will come when I realize all the goodbyes that are soon taking place.

So yes I am a little emotional. Partly because in a mere 11 hours my dream of marrying Prince William will be crushed by Princess Kate! Partly because "You're gonna miss this" keeps playing on the radio. And partly because I am having two more BOY cousins.... I was just sure they were girls, but I will love them anyway. (Even though I have not ruled out gender reconstructive surgery for them, I just need their mom to agree)

And Lastly, I wish Princess Diana was still alive... I am really sad about that one.

April Showers, Easter, and Time

If April showers bring May flowers then what do April tornados bring? Well for me right now they bring headaches, terrible nightmares, and stress. All things I am praying will go away soon. I can only hope something as beautiful as a flower can come from this. Jackson is saying goodbye to me with storm after storm after storm. One thing I have learned about storms is eventually they end even if it takes 3 days. No matter how bad they are at the time, the sun will come out "tomorrow" or maybe in 4 tomorrows and I will be more grateful for the sunshine because of these stormy days.

On a happier note... Easter Weekend!
Once again I had a great weekend at home for Easter break. I have been going home every weekend because of different events and even though it is a lot of gas money, it has been worth it each time. I enjoyed celebrating my dad's birthday, going to ballgames, spending time with friends, and spending time with family. The best part of the weekend was definitely rejoicing in the reminder that Christ has Risen! I hope that I never say those words in a lackluster way. It is true, and I was constantly reminded of it over the weekend. I love my weekends at home :) good thing I get to go back in just 3 days!

There seems to not be enough hours in the day to finish everything I need to get done. I have many papers and tests coming up within the next few weeks. On top of the school work I am trying to find time to enjoy the last few moments with my friends here, startin the packing process, and finding time to eat/shower/sleep. I know that it will all get done.

Ugh!

Just sitting on the bathroom floor waiting out another tornado warning. I hate this. I wish I could say something I like about this but I am not finding anything. There goes my positive attitude, maybe tomorrow. These stupid sirens need to be quiet because they make me want to throw up or hit something or cuss or cry... all things I don't feel like doing right now.

I am annoyed. All I want is a Moe's burrito. I am moving somewhere there are no tornados ever.

Even though I am not into the whole post multiple times a day thing, I feel like I am not in the right state of mind to say what a wonderful Easter weekend I had. So later (hopefully today) I shall tell all about my happy, fun, lovely weekend at home... but for now I will sit here and sulk because I have too much homework and I need to clean and I am home alone and I am stuck in this bathroom and I hate tornados.

Weather radio... Check
Laptop... Check
Shoes... check
Wallet/Id... check
Phone & charger... check
Homework to kill time... check
Padded seat... check
My Graduation Cap for a reminder that this is almost over... check

I am getting way too good at this.

26 days... 26 days... 26 days...

The day my life was ruined...

On this day 21 years ago my life was ruined. Okay okay not really, but on that day I did get my very first little brother. I don't remember that day or the year before it, but I know that because of that day my life will never be the same. Today is my brother's birthday.

Mac changed my life. He is literally one of my favorite people in the world. And while I feel a bond with each of my brothers and each one is differently wonderful. I feel a bond with him that I don't feel with anyone else. He is my brother. We fight, we annoy each other, we are completely different but at the end of the day he will always be my brother. We are the Originals ;)

It is a funny thing having a sibling so close in age. He kicked this only child princess off her throne or at least he tried. Almost every memory I have of my childhood involves him. True my parents are also a part of those memories but they were seeing everything from a different perspective than us. My parents remember how things really were and we remember how we perceived them. From the chore chart, to getting Perdita, to MaMa's saggy arms, and our days at home with Dad... No one else will ever remember it like we do. 

He might be pretty okay... but Mac knows how to drive me crazier than anyone else... just like a brother should, I guess. He has mastered pushing my buttons and pissing me off. He has always had a thing for annoying me by stealing my friends. When we were little Courtney use to come over and Mac would get her to come in his room to play Nintendo 64 and leave me in my room all by myself. It use to make me so mad!! Little did I know that this was going to be a lifelong problem. He has moved from stealing my friend to stealing my boyfriend. 

And onto the boyfriend. Mac and Anthony have become best friends. While this annoys me to death it also makes me just a little happy but we don't have to tell him that. It brings me joy to see these two very important men boys in my life be so close. I love that they love each other. Family is so important to me and I am so very happy that these boys hope to be family and get along so well. And I love that he has picked such a wonderful girlfriend. I not only love Mac but I have grown to love Taylor and I am happy he found her. And I can't wait to see where we all end up, I hope it is anywhere together (like the Fracharm or as I call it the Franch)

There are too many stories I could tell. Like the time he drew a man's private parts on a note card and stuck it in front of this red stopping light thing in the back of my first car... SO little did I know, every time I was stopping the people behind me were getting flashed by a bright red R-rated light!! or the time I ran over a car in his truck haha. Or when we were lost forever on the way to the rental house from Disney World. Having granny kick me off the couch so mac could stretch out and watch whatever he wanted on the tv. Family vacations, being in the same apologetics class in high school, long car rides, secrets, gaining two brothers, little fights, big fights, too many things to mention. We could write a book.

So today is Mac's birthday and even though things have changed, we have grown and for now moved away from each other... I will always be thankful for this day because it gave me him. I am so proud of the man he is becoming and for the chance to be his big sister. So tonight I will toast to one of the best mistakes my parents ever made... Mac Swann.

Happy 21st Birthday Little Brother!
I love you.
Thanks for ruining changing my life.

life + books - tv= ?

So much to say so little to write... Get ready for a hodge podge of thoughts in this thing.

I am reading a bunch of books right now, and that seems to be consuming my time. In the past month I have read some great books! I love to read. If you have anytime I would suggest reading any one of these books. Book 1: Choosing to See, Book 2: Respectable Sin, Book 3: The One Year Bible (it really is changing the way I see/read the Bible and if you have ever wanted to read the Bible but have gotten stuck in Numbers like me then you should look into investing in this Bible!) Book 4: One Thousand Gifts.
I gotta say more about One Thousand Gifts. I just started this book yesterday and I can't put it down. My small group leader suggested it to me after I was telling her about how I try to do a thankful for blog every week. It is all about this lady who was challenged to write down 1000 gifts that she is thankful for. It is awesome seeing her life transform as she goes through this experiment. And the thing is as I have read it I too have found myself looking at the world differently. I can't wait to keep reading. I have so many excerpts I want to quote but I cant pick just one. So I won't pick any :) Just go read it yourself. The funny thing is that I feel like each of these books are trying to tell me the same thing... to live fully right where I am, choose to see the good in all situations, be thankful for the things I often overlook. I am working on it.



Oh and I am trying to learn to sleep without the TV on. I always sleep with the tv on. not that there is anything wrong with that but the reason I do is because I am scared. Yes, it is true... I am a scaredy cat. I don't like the dark, I don't like the silence, and I don't like being alone. So I use the tv as a crutch. I am trying to eliminate this crutch for multiple reasons that I don't want to go in to. There is nothing to be scared of... This is a big deal for me. So last night as I was going to bed and I was reading my daily thing and in my verses was Psalm 4:8 which says "In peace I will lie down and sleep for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe"... How crazy is that!!! yea, crazy. I don't need that silly tv. We will see how this goes!

A weekend of Celebrations!

What a wonderful weekend! I turned in my senior paper on Friday, and let me tell you that was a load off for real. This weekend was full of celebrations. 

Celebration #1...On Friday morning Bonnie's grandmother went to be the Lord. She is no longer suffering and is now in heaven with her husband, son, and grandson. Wow. Bonnie is doing really well. About an hour after her death, Bonnie and I were talking and she said "it's the coolest and sweetest thought ever knowing she's running and playing in Heaven with daddy, Peter, my grandaddy, and my Jesus! I mean you just can't be sad thinking about that." Isn't that the truth. I celebrate the reunion she is now having with her family and I hurt for those here longing for that reunion. Please keep Bonnie and her family in your prayers. 

Celebration #2... Mac's birthday. This weekend was the first time I had seen Mac since Christmas. I was glad I could be home at the same time as him. We had a huge family dinner on Saturday night. It was wonderfully chaotic. Did you know that having a massive, funny, crazy family is one of the greatest blessings in life? I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Celebration #3... Max. Yes, Max and Mac are very similar. I was able to be there on Sunday to see Max get dedicated at church. I was so glad to be there for it and for everyone to get to meet the sweet baby they had been praying for. He did not disappoint. Precious miracle baby, Love him. And then I got to walk in the march of dimes. It was perfect weather and perfect company. I did not really know what to expect of this event but it was really fun! Next year I plan on going all out :)

It was a great weekend. I am so glad that I got to go home and that Emily got to come with me. We had fun laughing and talking and not worrying about homework. I have to admit this weekend made me a little sad because even though Emily always leaves the cabinet doors open, and can't concentrate on a conversation longer than 5 min, and talks during my tv shows... I will miss her. She is a great roommate. I am a lucky girl. 

An afternoon treat!

Favorite things of the day... A surprise happy birthday treat for Anderson! An afternoon full of sunshine, giggles, cheers, frozen yogurt, sticky fingers, chocolate smiles, and full tummies! It was a good time and I was happy to sugar them up and then take them home to their babysitter! haha

Birthday Boy! 

A little hyper!

All done!

Two thumbs up for Sweet Cece's