When a heart breaks

To you sweet girl,
I know your heart is broken. It's not fair. It's not supposed to be like this. You and I both know that. You don't sit around planning scars like this. This will be the moment that you cry about when you've had a long day and you are PMSing and you're just looking for a reason to cry. You'll look back at this moment and think dagnabit I deserve to cry. It'll be awesome because you'll get away with that for at least 6 months before your best friends start telling you to stop. You'll think that it's never hurt this bad for anyone else and the truth will be that you're right because every heart breaks differently and hurts weren't made to be compared. This is your hurt and you are allowed to own it. Suddenly Taylor Swift will sound like a genius and tattoos will cover your Pinterest. I've been there.
But hear me on this..
Don't waste these days. Cry. Sing. Make some dumb mistake that you'll laugh about. Tie dye your brains out. Paint a piano pink. Cling to those that are clinging to you... Because that's what love does, it clings. Pray a lot. Read your Bible. Like really read it. Realize that "Jesus wept" and use that as proof that weeping isn't a sin. Go to the places that make you happy. Go home. Let yourself sit in this moment. It's okay to hurt. You won't stay there. Use this as an excuse at every chance you get. This is the best excuse you'll ever have to find yourself. This is your excuse to find out what you are made of. You are about to have some of your best ideas and some of your worst ideas. Be selfish. Quit your job, paint your room, dye your hair black, get a dog, just do something. Get out of bed and run or just stay in bed because Netflix is awesome. Find out what it means to be yourself. If your friends call you should answer... Or don't answer because your real friends will understand that just that same.
At the end of this you will be different. We were never meant to stay the same.

Above all else know that there is still so much love to be had. There is a good God that loves you and is content to hold your hand in this moment. He is living this with you. You're not alone. You're going to be okay.

Love,
The girl with the spite tattoo

To my "Not-So-Perfect" Mom

I am daily glad that you are ours. I hope you always know how much we love you.

I am a better, stronger, more ambitious, more caring person because I was raised by you. I learned that a mom is not a Mom because she is always by your side. A Mom's love reaches from Tacoma and Orlando and anywhere life may take us.

You taught me to be myself, no matter how quirky that may be. I am good at being me because you are so good at being you. Thank you for that. Thank you for always loving me, always supporting me, and always inspiring me to be more. You let me mess up. You let me learn. You showed me how to live.

I've learned to cry when I need to cry and laugh when ever life gives me the chance. You taught me to take big chances and dream big dreams. You have always wanted us to have it all and we have it all because we have you. Thank you for doing anything you could to give us everything we need. 

More than anything... You taught me the meaning of home. Thank you for our home. Thank you for my brothers (even though they were obviously accidents). You and Dad did such a good job with them. I am proud of the people they are and I am proud to have such wonderful parents. I love you both. I am proud that YOU are my mom. 

The older I get the more I realize how much it must have hurt to be away from us. I want you to know that even when you were miles away you were always there. You are so much of who we are, and I would never change that. Sometimes I catch myself doing things the way you do them. I like that. 

So yes... there might have been a lot of "mom" things missing. I wouldn't trade you for any of it. I don't need a "normal" mom because that would just be so boring. I need you. I love you. Happy Mothers Day!

So much happens here that it is hard to know where to start. I jumped off a bridge (aka bungee jumped). It was an interesting experience. I won't ever be doing it again Haha but I'm.glad to say that I've done it. It was also nice to see my mom! I am glad she came, even if my friends here can't stop talking about how fun she is. Amsterdam is cold and rainy. We went to the place where Anne Frank was in hiding. It was a very neat place to see. This experience is going.by real fast. I'm going.to.miss here when I leave. I still have oh crap I'm in Europe moments (in fact I was convinced I was in Florida for a few days). I'm still missing my free refills, mt dew, free bathrooms, and taco bell. Plus people make out every where here... Too much pda. That's all I have for now. I promise to go into more detail when I am home but there is just too much to type on this phone and my fingers make periods after every word... Sorry. Have a good day America.

Half way!!

We are now in Prague! My mom is coming tomorrow and I can't wait. Our hotel here is really nice with free WiFi and lifetime tv. The past few days I have been in Austria and Germany. I like.German food.so.much more than all the others ( mainly because they have hamburgers, doughnuts and other things I reconize) I was surprised at how breathtakingly beautiful they are. I often felt like I was in a movie. The mountains just make everything 7 times more beautiful. Yesterday we went to a castle! I can't remember the name of it but it is the one Disney modeled Cinderellas castle after. It is absolutely gorgeous. It is also swan themed so there are swans in every room so obviously it was.meant for me. The princess finally found her castle ;) after that we went to one of the very first concentration camps. It was something I am glad I got to see but it was just so heart breaking. Although it had been sunny all day as soon as we got there it started to rain. I was overwhelmed by the emotion of being there. As I walked alone through the camp in complete silence there was such an eerie feeling. I know the stories but it makes it so much more real just being there. We walked through the exact gate every one of the people.who.died there had to walk through. I can't explain really... I'll have to share pictures and more stories lately. As I get ready for bed I am so thankful for this opportunity. I am so proud to be an American. I am missing my house and my family and Anthony but I know being here is teaching me so much about myself and the world. I am making friends that I already love and cherish. In ways it is flying by and in ways it is dragging on... I can't believe I'm more than half way!! Love and miss you all!

Italy.

I'm now in Italy! In the past few days I've been to a cooking class in Rome, wine tasting in Tuscany, and site seeing in Florence. If it weren't for all the walking we do I am sure id weigh 500 pounds. I've been amazed at how many people know English which makes things so much easier. Jackelyn and I are having so much fun. This is such a once in a lifetime experience. I wish I had time to share every single experience but internet sucks and I have very little time. I can't wait to tell you all about Europe! Enjoy air conditioning, free refills, and text messaging for me. Ciao!

Greece

I'm writing this from my beach chair in Corfu. We have been here almost 5 days now. I can't believe all the things we have done in just a few days. Greece has been wonderful. If I could describe it to you in just a few words I would say its been hot, beautiful, and action packed. The traffic is crazy, the views are incredible, and the showers are really small. All in all I love it here. Most days when I wake up I have to remind myself that it is real. We have done lots of eating, walking, and shopping with a little bit of sleeping here and there. Jackelyn and I are having a great time. I am getting use to the euros, extra sweet cokes, using a new language, and being flexible. Life is good. One thing I found.interesting is that in Greece you shake your head up and down for no.and left to right for yes... It makes communicating very interesting. Our group has already gotten many things we didn't plan on because of this. I also can't read most menus so I'm pretty sure I have eaten a lifetime worth or gyros because that's a gurantee on every menu and its something I know how to pronounce!  I am taking lots of pictures to share when I get home. The next two days we are island hopping and hanging by the beach and then we will be cruising to Italy. All is good from Corfu.

It's time!

This thing I have been counting down to for months is finally here! I can't believe it got here so fast! I am excited/nervous but all in all ready to go!!  I am packed, all my accounts have been notified, I've said the majority of my goodbyes, downloaded google translator and money converter, and so now I just have to sit and wait for 4 pm tomorrow when I will fly away. I am flying to Detroit then Paris and then Athens. I will arrive at 4 pm Tuesday, Greece time (I think that is like 10 am Tuesday, Cross Plains time). In all my flying I have never flown internationally so I am a tad nervous about the whole flying over the ocean thing, but I am sure it will be fine. I really am going to try and blog while I am there. I will definitely be posting on my facebook so keep an eye out! WHEW WHOO!!! Here I go...